member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
