Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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