Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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