I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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