last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we should paint friendship bongs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
