It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
