i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
