She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
