I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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