i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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