Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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