I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
