Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i think i just lost a toe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
