Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
