i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
