I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
