AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
