Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
