I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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