There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
