She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
