We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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