I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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