I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
