I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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