i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
