I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
