I CAN MOONWALK!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
