I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she woke up with a sticky ear
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
