my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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