My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry about my life...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
