she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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