i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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