Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
