I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
