I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
