Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
