Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
