yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to make out with him forever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
