Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
