plz talk dirty to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
