she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
