This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
