i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
