i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
