Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The best revenge is premature balding
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
