it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
