just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
