there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
