So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
