I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I CAN MOONWALK!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
