I'm really into asian looking animals
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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