508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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