Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
