Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
